Open up my eager eyes

So I'm now done with my Masters...

Now what?

I've got no freaking idea...

I've just signed up to live in Sheffield until May next year with no freaking job, no more studies and nothing left to do. Plus I've exhausted almost all my allowance. Great planning huh?

Sorry to everyone who ever reads this blog (especially Elishia) for not updating anything the last few months. She's been bugging me constantly for this update. But seeing as the purpose of this blog in the first place is to share my thoughts with her, I can just do that face-to-face now since she's here. But nooo...she wants to read it here! I don't know why...

I've been having serious insomnia for the last few days. Seems the only way for me to go to bed before 5am is by drinking lots of liquor. I think the reason behind this is due to stress. Stress about my future and what I'm gonna do with my life next. Somehow everything I can think of feels depressing or almost impossible.

Option 1: I could be a bum doing nothing for the next 9 months....(Depressing)

Option 2: I could find a proper job, extend my visa and keep living here for the foreseeable future....(Almost impossible)

Option 3: I could find a part-time job to fill out my time....(Most likely but feels depressing all the same)

Perhaps I could screw this freaking country and just go home but then I'll have to start a long and unending routine of working life back in Malaysia....(Super, super depressing).

I think this is what's keeping me up every night. I'm having a freaking post-study crisis. I need to go to freaking Langkawi or Tioman or Redang and spend a month there.

On another note, some people just makes me freaking annoyed. This blog usually is not meant for rants but I'm in the mood for it now. Don't you get annoyed when people try to make it seem as if their lives are very happening all the time and filled with so many important things to do or is it just me? I don't care and don't need to know what you have to do if it is just to satisfy your freaking ego. Even though I've got nothing better to do, I don't need to hear that shit. I'd rather spend it doing the freaking laundry.

Oh, and the freaking council is asking me to pay tax cos I'm no longer a student. Don't they know I'm freaking broke. I can't even afford to bring my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. Luckily for me she loves fattening kebab food. Mucks!

So here's my thought for the last couple of days. Not like you haven't heard it already (in Elishia's case). So I'm writing it out here cos I know you love reading my blog. If this insomnia doesn't stop, there might be many more updates yet.

One year ago...

In a week's time it will be a year since I first came to the UK. At this time last year, I was coming to the end of the pre-UK party period. I remember going out with Elishia for dinner, then meeting up with the gang for drinks and the subsequent laughs after we're drunk. It was fun times and I miss them terribly.

Although I've been home once since then, it feels as though I'm at home in Sheffield now. I'm now so familiar this part of the city compared to one year ago. I still remember the second day after we arrived when the seniors showed us around. It felt surreal, the exact feeling that you'd expecte to feel when visiting a European city for the first time. But now, its replaced by a feeling of familiarity. Hell, I think I'd be able to go down to High Street with my eyes closed. I used to get disoriented when walking about during those early days and took a while to get adjusted to the location.

I also clearly remember how difficult and troublesome it was to look after my daily needs, especially my meals. First time living on my own, I had to think of what I'm going to eat tomorrow or else I'd be dead by now. At first, I was really price conscious, always looking for the cheapest and easiest food that I could eat. It seemed that if cheap meals required you to do large amounts of cooking or preparation, certainly not my cup of tea. I remember I tried making bread with butter and jam to bring to uni. It lasted a week before the effort of waking up early to prepare was too much to bear. One year on, I would now consider myself a master of preparing cheap, effortless and tasty meals!

One year ago, I remember waking up each morning and looking outside the window. I don't know about my friends, but for the first couple of months, there was a weirdly nice, refreshing feeling of being in a new environment. You just felt like going out and doing something, like excitement was right around the corner, something new to see if you went out. Unlike in KL where everything is so predictable and the weather's a killer. Since then that refreshing feeling has somewhat disappeared, I guess due to the change in weather. But summer is coming back again and I can hardly wait. I've suddenly realized that I love summer! Purely for the feeling of the freshness of the day...

One year later... I feel that this place is home now. I know what's to expect at every corner. I understand what the English chap is saying to me. I'm used to the coldness of the weather. Only thing missing is that I still speak like a blardy Malaysian.

Time for a new post

Elishia has been complaining that there's nothing new here and she's not being entertained. But I've got nothing to write.

So I guess that's about it.

Its better than nothing.

Wait.. Wait.. Something might be coming...

Nope.. Guess not..

Oh well.. Guess that's really about it..

Thanks for wasting the last 30 seconds of your life reading total crap..

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at you..

If I could, I'd return the last 30 seconds to you..

Maybe one day I will..

Or maybe I won't, you'll just have to wait and see..

Ok ok, here's what this post is really about..

The truth is, I still haven't figured that out myself..

So.. The conclusion is..

You've just wasted another 30 seconds of your life reading total crap..

You would have thought that you learned your lesson from the last time..

If you're smart you would close this page right now, cos you know that you'll just be reading more crap..

That means if you're still reading this line you're not so smart after all..

But I still really appreciate you taking your precious time to read my blog..

I know that there are a thousand things you could probably do with your precious time instead of reading my heartfelt words..

My apologies for not having anything interesting to share this round..

So all in all, I've wasted approximately 1 minute and 30 seconds of your life which you will never get back..

Hope this post entertained you..

Btw, if you reread this post, it will mean you're really a total idiot!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

P/S: (Only continue reading if you reread this post at least once)

IDIOT!!!

Tribute to BFA 5828

Today is a sad, sad day. I learned that my beloved Proton Satria is to be sold. Here's a note you her to saying thanks for the 4 years of faithful service and may God bless you...

Dear BFA 5828,

I remember the first time I test-drove you. It was love at first sight. I knew I wanted no other but you. The sound of your smooth, silky engine. The nice feel of you clutch. The bright red coat of paint you wore.

I remember the first time I drove you to college. When your window wouldn't wind up. And I had to drive you back to get you fixed. I wasn't mad. Even though it was so troublesome, the excitement of our first journey together was still fresh. Back then, you were the envy of all my friends.

Then after that, the countless adventures we went on together. The many, many traffic jams we got stuck in together. The unfortunate accidents I put you through. The races we won. The intimate car washes. The time you back window cracked. The drunk drives home after drinking nights. The anxious times looking for petrol stations hoping we won't run out of fuel. You never let me down.

Sorry I didn't keep you clean enough.

Sorry I allowed you sparkling coat of paint to fade.

Sorry I gave permission to my idiot friends to drive you sometimes.

Sorry I filled you up with overweight passengers so many times.

Sorry I let the stupid birds and nangka tree shit all over you.

Sorry I vomited all over you.

There's so many memories we had together. I'm sure gonna miss you when you're gone. And I wish that I had the opportunity to say goodbye and take you out for one last spin before you go. Believe me, if I were rich, I would own you forever and park you in my huge garage next to the Audi and Mini for you to retire in luxury.

You'll forever be in my heart and be remembered as my first car.

Love,

Ujin